04 Dec Tailoring your parenting to your child’s temperament
No two children are alike, so our approach to parenting should vary too, depending on each child’s individual needs. To understand what works best, we need to know their temperament. Defined as innate attributes that determine one’s behaviour and outlook in life, they play an instrumental role in the development of a child’s distinct personality.
How children learn and react is determined by these traits. They seem to be relatively stable from birth, though some traits may be suppressed or taught. These characteristics are enduring, and aren’t necessarily “good” or “bad.” How they are perceived determines whether the child associates them with being positive or negative.
The different temperaments
Once caregivers understand the temperament of their children, they can realise why they behave a certain way in certain situations. Hopefully, this newfound understanding will allow them to be less hard on themselves and their children when their children react in a way that’s deemed unfavourable.
We can measure temperament in terms of how much or how little children display these three traits:
- Reactivity: this is how intensely a child might react in response to events that excite them or when they are upset.
- Self-regulation: this is much a child is capable of adjusting or reining in their feelings or behaviour, including being tenacious at a tricky task.
- Sociability: this is how comfortable children are when they meet new people or have new experiences.
If you’re interested to read more, this article goes into detail about how to handle the different temperaments and gives some great tips for adjusting your parenting techniques to best suit each different temperament.
Children shouldn't be compared
No matter how much a child may be the carbon copy of a parent physically, they are still very much their own person with their own distinct personalities. It stands to reason that these distinct personality traits lead them to sometimes make decisions or behave in a way that might be very different from their parents. That does not mean that their decisions or behaviours are necessarily wrong. Before they are chastised, it would be prudent to try and understand what led them to behave in that way.
Similarly, they should also not be expected to behave in the exact way one of their peers might. Comparing them might result in frustration and resentment from both the parent and child. Understanding, tolerance, an open mind, and a willingness to learn and communicate form the basis for every healthy relationship, including a parent/child one.
Another point worth noting is that a child’s temperament may evolve as they grow. They can be taught to recognise, manage, and regulate their emotions and reactions through socio-emotional learning. A child that’s finicky and fussy may mellow or develop increased tolerance in adulthood. Over the years, it’s exciting and satisfying to journey with your child and discover the kind of person they’ll grow up to become.
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